If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
