I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Where is the hickey?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
