The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found puke in my bra..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
