And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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