I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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