I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
