I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ketchup is God's man juice
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
