I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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