Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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