also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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