pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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