Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
