Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
