well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
