The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
