watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
