Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
