i just had sex bonerless
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
