I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
