He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize