HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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