Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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