i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
