He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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