So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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