9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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