someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
