I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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