Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
