Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
