I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
