I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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