My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
