I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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