Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
