I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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