This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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