i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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