i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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