I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize