Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize