life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
