drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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