Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
