Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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