And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
