Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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