I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
