y did u give ur computer a hand job?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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