i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
