I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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