Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
