I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
