biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
