The maid of honor just puked.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
