I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
