fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
