I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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