So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
