Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
