Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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