he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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