So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
